The Fantastic Adventures of Mr S and Commander Fox
by sneekymagee
Summary: He'd do anything to help her. He just never thought it would involve killing strange creatures and trekking across a desert with a bottle of magic tears and a map written upside down. Just call him Mr Spontaneity! ShadXAshei


Okay, so I was challenged (in a way) to try a deeper (chaptered) story with Ashei and Shad. At least I chose to take the review that way. And a lovely review it was, points were made, all I agree on…anyway. So here is a crazy little fic that I thought up, whilst I was in a writing mood. And yes _of course _they have Vodka in Hyrule, what are you? Nuts?

Enjoy (Reviews=Love)

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THE FANTASTIC ADVENTURES OF MR SPONTENITY AND COMMANDER FOX

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SUMMARY - He'd do anything to help her. He just never thought it would involve killing strange creatures and trekking across a desert with a devilish Fox and a map written upside down. Just call him Mr Spontaneity! Set 6 months after the end of Twilight Princess

RATING – T (Subject to change)

GENRE – Humor/adventure/Romance

PAIRINGS – Shad/Ashei -:- Link/Midna/Zelda triangle of sorts:

LENGTH – About 10-15 chapters

WARNINGS – None

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It started, as it so often does, with a choice.

"I've only got beer and vodka, which one?"

Although not one you would expect.

He played with the ends of his bow nervously. Entirely out of place and feeling quite overwhelmed.

"Uh, are you sure you don't have any light wine?" A pause, a glare. The barkeep frowns and narrows his eyes. His partner sighs.

"Ugh, he'll have a beer yeah, vodka for me," she turned to him. "Shad you rotten excuse for a man, I swear if you order 'lightwine' again I'm gonna come over there and shove my vodka up your arse, yeah?" If he could feel more uncomfortable that would be it.

"Do you really have to be so crude?" He says it despairingly, knowing that it's futile to even try and change her ways, but then again that's why he likes her.

"Yeah I do." And that is that.

It wasn't his choice to come here, he wasn't the one who wanted to check out the desert. Curse Auru and his tales, now she'd had a taste of real adventure, not the sitting in bars kind and she had requested, nay _demanded_ his assistance in the rest of her exploits. _Of course she had_. Not that he was totally unwilling, no, but still, he's a scholar, researcher, not a warrior and by god that bublin head sitting grandly over the mantle just doesn't sit right with him!

He prefers the sitting-in-bar kind of adventure. Well the sitting-in-Telma's-bar-drinking-lightwine-and-reading-a-book kind. Not the sitting-in-a-strange–bar-in-the-foot-hills-of-old-Gerudo-country-with-a-seedy-looking-fellow-leering-at-him kind of adventure. If he could count the number of times this has happened to him it'd be zero. And why? Because he's not an adventurer damn it!

"What?" Oh poppycock, he said the last bit out loud.

"Uhhh…I was just, um," apparently his excuses were limited tonight. She scowled and leaned close.

"Right, well the next time you feel like announcing your incompetence to the whole room, don't yeah?' He frowned. He was so not incompetent. Well he was, in a way.

"Ashei, why do I have to be here?" He moaned and flailed wildly in some sort of dance of defiance against her own persistent demeanour. "It's too humid, my feet hurt, Rusl wanted me to translate some Zora transcripts! And that man is looking awfully fiendish."

"Oh shut up" She cleared her throat and continued. "Because you know everything yeah, that's why." A surge of dashing self confidence rushed through him.

"Flattery will get you nowhere wench. Ho ho."

A pause. "Did you just call me _wench_? (And say 'Ho ho'?)"

Oh gods, now he'd done it. Dashing be damned, it's not much use when you've got vodka up your behind.

He couldn't believe he just thought that.

The confidence vanished like smoke in darkness. "No of course not, it's noisy in here you must have errr…misheard." She looked at him laughter dancing in her eyes and seemed to let it pass, but it could have been because the barkeep was plonking their drinks down on the table. It seemed her drug of choice was alcohol over violence tonight. THANK GOD. He made a mental note to never try and be dashing ever again.

She spoke up after a gulp of Vodka.

"I need you because you are such a good brain." They sat there for a minute, he tried to digest this.

"Well that may be so my dear but surely you've noticed, in the 3 years we've know each other no less, the lack of, shall we say brawn? I'm not designed for deserts! Or Trekking, or forests, or lakes, or any other form of torture you seem to enjoy forcing upon me" her hand managed to silence the tirade.

"I'm here aren't I, that's why we make such a good team. You tell me where to go, and solve the puzzles. I kill the monsters and save the day."

"Thanks. You make me sound like a woman."

"Oh it could be worse." He failed to see how. He may not be an adventurer but his manhood was important to him all the same.

"Ok. SO apparently we are the perfect team. It still doesn't mean I want to go gallivanting off into the desert."

"We wont be 'gallivanting', we'll be carefully planning out strategy to suit the situation."

"Improvising."

"Yeah" He threw his hands up in despair, taking a sip of beer to try (Unsuccessfully)to calm his nerves.

"I'm very susceptible to bad decision making you know." He paused. "So when I say yes we can both agree it is a bad decision?" She chuckled and patted his shoulder sympathetically.

"Awww c'mon have a little spontaneity yeah."

"I have spontaneity. " He countered. "I LOVE spontaneity. As long as it's pre approved and within certain pre set parameters, then just call me **MR** Spontaneity."

"Right," she rolled her eyes. "C'mon, you're already in the hills, just come with me the rest of the way. It'll be fun." He let out a disbelieving laugh.

"HA, like I've never heard that before." She rolled her eyes. He continued. "Last June. Just after the fall of Twilight. That bar, the Deku Sprout or something, come to think of it, why do we always end up in bars? Anyway you said asking the barkeep if he'd seen any magic bugs would be fun didn't you. Well I tell you, it certainly was not!" He slammed his hand down into the table flustered. He was no good at holding his ground against her, and if he didn't do something drastic soon he **would** be gallivanting off into the desert. Slamming his hand though, that was too drastic. "Oww." She chuckled and sipped some more vodka, it was beginning to get alarming., at this rate she'd be the one forfeiting the mission. He wished.

"Look Shad," oh but he knew that tone. Dear gods he was doomed. "I know you hate going on 'perilous escapades', or whatever it is you describe my life as, but I really want you to come, yeah. You're really clever and honestly I don't think I would stand much chance alone. " She smiled her winning smile and added. "Plus think of all the ancient ruins and stuff you could look at, yeah." That was it. She'd resorted to sincerity.

The she-devil.

Well he couldn't refuse now.

"Fine, but you have to pay off my tab at Telma's," she sighed.

"Fine."

"And my library fines."

"Whatever."

"And you have to get rid of the spider that's set up camp in my lavatory."

"There's a spider in your lavatory?"

"Yes." He winced at the memory. "And it sits there looking at me with it's beady eyes, the fiend, I have to keep pretending my toilet's blocked up so I can use Mrs Cecilia's."

"You know I never though you could get anymore Sissy, yeah?" She poured the last of the vodka into her glass and shot it down. "But you've truly out wimped yourself, my friend." She patted his back and stood up stretching unsteadily. He followed suit.

"I'll have you know that thing is at lest 4 inches across. At _least_. And besides, I never professed to be a killer of poor defenceless arachnids." He followed after her as she strode towards the barkeep and handed over a small pile of coins.

"Ok I'll get rid of you friend the defenceless arachnid. And in return for that and the other whatever it was I have to do, you are accompanying me across the desert." She held out a gauntlet-clad hand, and spat into her palm. "Deal."

"D-I am NOT shaking that." She clasped his hand behind his back in a hope of avoiding the shiny fluid. He didn't have to bother though, because a moment later it was strewn across his face.

"Ashei I swear you are the most uncouth scallywag I have ever met!" He was flushing and wiped his face gingerly wit his sleeve.

"Oh man up," she nodded at a guard as he handed them their luggage from the safe house. "Now grab your bag, we have to get going, I wan't to get to the desert edge before morning. Apparently there's a cave near the north-eastern border. Link told me about it. The cave of trials, or something? I'd love to have a crack at that." From behind his sleeve Shad paled.

"Err the cave of Ordeals?" She looked at him in surprise.

"Yeah, you know it?" He nodded slowly.

"Um yes," she smiled again and he was smitten.

"Oh good you can help me."

Only of the god's could help him first.

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A/N For those who don't know the Cave of Ordeals is an actual place in Twilight princess. I won't say more for fear of spoiling it but if you really must know more you can easily Google it.

Also I am considering drawing a map of their route as they go so people don't get too confused. And yes I know the only way to the desert is from the cannon ride but lets pretend there's an old path through the hills surrounding it kay? Lol

Vilefiend


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